Thursday, September 23, 2010

Zachimalawi endorses Mbona for 2014 Presidential Elections

Zachimalawi is pleased to inform you that, as the debate on who to represent various political parties rages on in the country, it has settled for Mbona- Great son of Khuluvi!

Oh, yes. And, there are 10 grounds to boot, in favour of this great guy. Here they are:

1. Unlike Professor Peter Mutharika, President Bingu wa Mutharika, Honourable John Zenus Ungapake Tembo, Friday Jumbe, Amunandife Nkumba, James Nyondo, and whoever may impress you, Mbona is the only guy who can bring us rain.
After all, we have heard people like President Mutharika asking people to pray for rains (he has even attended various prayers for rains over the past six years), and that is cowardise. These guys know they can't bring rains.
Not with Mbona; in fact, he drinks fresh water direct from the sky. What we call rain! So, we will be guaranteed the prospects of fresh water and good rains through and through.
Mbona woyeee!

2. Professor Peter Mutharika, President Mutharika, for instance, have unMalawian heights! Aren't we told that the early inhabitants of Malawi were the Akafula or Abathwa? So, you want to tell me that these guys were as 'tall' as these guys?
Even Tembo, though said to be very much on the 'short' side' is unMalawian in height. But Mbona is different. He has always remained short, even his spirit! He will thus restore Chimalawi here, and take us back to the days we used to respect our ancestors.
The 'boys' of today (don't mind their heights) respect the World Bank, International Monetary Fund; but never Mlauli or Kalonga or paramount chiefs. Spoilt folks!

3. Mbona will go to New York, UK, Canada on foot, saving the country from unnecessary foreign travel expenditures. He will also need just a bag made from goat skin for his food rations while enroute, unlike our modern folks (which Prof. Peter Mutharika, Tembo, Jumbe, Nyondo, among others, will probably do)who buy expensive jets just to look over our heads as they fly to wherever Benzine may take them. Of course, they travel everywhere except to heaven. Only Mbona can go where these folks only dream of.

It is Zachimalawi's sincere hope that Mbona is the only guy who can run from Nsanje boma to Khuluvi on foot, taking the form of ordinary birds or an owl wherever necessary. If you doubt, you can ask Achimwene CheMlauli. The guy suffered before catching up with fast-runner Mbona.

Thus, Mbona is his own jet, and will not need our money as taxpayers just to fly to New York and taste mowa wakumeneko!

4. Mbona will cut costs on State Houses, since he will be spending much of his time in the bushes, talking to spirits and looking for herbs. Our foreign dignitaries will be getting him there, in the bush, without partaking of our expensive State Dinners. Let's see if they can eat masamba achitimbe as cuisine.

In fact, Mbona is more likely to turn the so called State Houses into Makola aNg'ombe; or else, he will put nkhalamba there, zidzithira ufa kwamizimu yamakolo athu. The security details will be banished from there to the baracks, so that we will not need an appointment to meet Mbona.

5, Government will reduce expenditures on bullet proof 'this', bullet proof 'that' since Mbona is 'well-fortified'. So, nobody will go about over-dressed, loooking like a Penguin in the process.

After all, we vote for human beings, not penguins!

6. STIs, including HIV and AIDS, will disappear since everyone found doing abominable 'sins' will be stoned to death for tying to 'sempha' mudzi. Those with 'hot' blood will be 'served' by the powerful Mbona himself! Malawi will be a no-go zone for sexually transmitted infections in deed.

7. No convoys on presidential entourage. Mbona just needs two counselors to tackle State matters, and these, as usual, will be using bicycles. Thus we will serve on fuel costs. After all, Prof. Peter Mutharika was heard defending the trip to Iran on MBC Television, a sure sign that the guy may not know how to 'ride' a bicycle, or may not do so for long- like, from Limbe to Thyolo.

8. Mbona will close Universities and establish Masimba using State Reources. Our 'kids' will then stop wasting time kusukulu instead of kumathandiza makolo awo kulima. The result is food security.

9. Reduced electricity bills at State residences. Mbona does not believe in Western style suits; he will be wearing Nyanda. No need to keep the guys who sita President's suits, even when the President has a wife. These guys are killing trust between Presidents and their wives, since they create the impression that Presidents' wives cannot be trusted. All in the name of keeping their job. Spoilt brats!

10. Mbona will not marry while in power, or get divorced when out of power. After all, he already married at the age of 11, and can grab any lady he wants, even if married, without going through the hussle of 'kufunsira'. You see, when people get married while in power, children ask what the 'two' want to be doing, and this degrades the 'sacred' ordinance of marriage. No, we want leaders who choose ladies with their fingers.

By the way, if a leader goes through the process of 'kufunsira', mwina kumaopa kuti akanidwa, isn't that cowardise? No, dictators just chose without formalities. It is a dictator we need, and Mbona, unlike these 'guys', is one.

With Mbona, all of us will be safe. Baba, Mbona amapezeka paliponse. Talk ill about Mbona, and you lose the rains. With Mbona, also, we will not need fertilisers. 'His' rains come ready with 'heaven' fertiliser.

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